Asians and Friends Chicago

WHAT IS DIM SUM? (humor)

courtesy of , a humorous online magazine

Translated, dim sum means "heart's delight" or "touch the heart". Eaten for lunch or brunch, dim sum is a meal consisting generally of small dumplings, buns, and small appetizer-like dishes ordered à la carte. And, with the dim sum experience, you literally get your food à la carte, as small carts of food are pushed by your table and you select dishes as they pass by.

SIGNS OF AUTHENTICITY

Here are things to watch for to know that you are eating at an authentic (good prices and good food) dim sum restaurant:

The food is pushed around on carts as opposed to ordered from a list given to you. The exception to this would be high-end Chinese restaurants where they sometimes give you a list to order from.
The majority of the patrons are Chinese (minimum of 95%).
The restaurant is huge and noisy.
Pineapple chicken balls and sweet and sour anything are nowhere to be seen.
There are at least 40 tables in the restaurant and they are arranged in rows.
All of the tables are round.
The tables are covered in disposable plastic tablecloths.
The bathroom is not very clean.
There's a huge mob of people waiting to get in.

THE PROCESS
You enter the restaurant and fight through a mob of people to get to the matire'd.
They give you a number and you wait until your number is called. Make sure to dash to the front when your number is called. They don't wait around for you and usually only call it out in English once.
When a table is available, you are taken to it and asked what kind of tea you would like to drink. Most parties of non-Asians do not get asked this question. If you do get asked, Jasmine tea is always a safe bet.
You receive a small card with little squares on it. This card acts as a tally of your food items. Dim sum items are divided into four different categories: small, medium, large, and specialty items; they are priced accordingly.

You wait for a cart to come by your table. If the food is palatable, you order a dish. The person pushing the cart will then check off the appropriate box on your small card, depending on which category it falls under. At the end of the meal, the waiter will add up the checkmarks on your card to give you your total.
A general rule of thumb is to order 3-5 dishes per person, or just keep ordering until you are full.
When you are finished eating, either whip out a Chinese newspaper and start reading, or here's how to get the bill. Look for a waiter. They are dressed differently than the people who push the carts. Hold your left hand in the air as if it were a notepad. Then, using an imaginary pen, pretend to write on it with your right hand.
The waiter will come over, add everything up (sometimes in their head) and give you a total. You pay them as soon as they present you with a final total.

BASIC ETIQUETTE

Always refill other people's tea cups before your own.
When the tea pot is empty, remove the lid, balance it on the handle, and place the pot by the side of the table. A waiter will come by and refill it.
Wait for the carts to roll by before getting food. Don't get up and race to a cart on the other side of the restaurant.
The people who push the carts don't total your bill or bring you water. If you need service, look for the waiter. They will be dressed in a different uniform than the cart pushers.
When food is placed on the table, always move the food closer to the other people at the table (usually to the person who should be most respected).
When the bill comes, make a big show of trying to pay for it yourself.
TIPPING: Chinese people are bad tippers. 10% is the norm, but if you're White, they'll probably expect a little more.